How To Pass A Job Interview So You Can Work For Me

Do you want to work for me? Of course you do. I am Mark Zuckerberg. I can give you a job working for me. I will pay you to work for me. I will pay you to do my work for me. I will pay you to make money for me. We will be in business together! You will be in business with Mark Zuckerberg! Are you getting excited? All you have to do is pass the nice, easy job interview. It's easy!

This guide will walk you through practical steps to prepare for the job interview with me and how to impress me in the job interview so you can pass the job interview and then work for me.

Here is a picture of me ( Mark) working hard at work and using my computer to do work. In the background on the wall is a picture of Mick Jagger at our last 666 Illuminatii Orgy. You weren't there because you weren't invited. Sorry about that.

Understand What I’m Looking For In The Job Interview

Before the job interview, research my company and the advertised role carefully. Think about how your experience matches the skills and qualities I need at work. I want someone who can work for me and do the work and work hard at work.

• Work hard

• At work

• Do the work

• Work now

• Work later

• Time to go to work.

  
  

Prepare Clear and Relevant Interview Answers

I expect you to answer my work interview questions clearly and with examples. Avoid vague wishy-washy responses and don't look down at your cock and balls if you are confused. Look at my cock and balls instead! Just kidding. If you don't have any cock and balls to look down at maybe you could look down at your own tits. Let's look at them titties together! Teamwork!

Try to structure your interview answers using this simple approach:

• Yes

• Titties

• Ballsack

• I agree, Mr Zuckerberg

• C-cup

• Sure, I suppose so. You're the boss....

  
  

For example, if I ask about handling a difficult situation, you might say:

“In my last job, I unionized the office workforce and instituted a compulsory 'Wanking Wednesdays”regimen for all office workers. Refusal to participate resulted in union teamsters storming the office and cracking some motherfucking skulls in."

8:59 am on Wanking Wednesday. The calm before the storm.

Practice Common Interview Questions

Some questions come up often. Practicing them helps you feel confident and helps you to avoid long pauses. Here are a few to prepare for:

• Tell me all about dem titties

• Oh God, you again?

• You so stupid

• Where's my fucking present cunt?

  
  

Practice answering these probing interview questions out loud, ideally with a friend or in front of a mirror. If you have no friends and no mirrors then a random stranger on the street will suffice.

Dress Appropriately

First impressions matter. Dress neatly and appropriately for the role. If you’re unsure, it’s better to be slightly overdressed than too casual.

Bish you wear this shit to my job interview then you can take MY motherfucking job.

Show Positive Body Language

Your body language speaks volumes.

Here are the key principles of Body Language that applicants should adhere to during a successful interview:

• fluttering of eyelashes

• demure pursing of lips

• coquettish hair toss

• Sharon Stonish leg crossing and vag flashing

• massive vag squirting

Ask Thoughtful Questions During The Interview

Good questions include:

• Mark, were you born this handsome?

• Titties?

• Right here?

• Right now?

• When does it start to get bigger?

  
  

Follow Up After the Interview

It is important to send a follow up message after the interview. For example:

“Mark, thank you for referring to my big ol' titties as 'dem titties'. They were both very happy for the attention Mark, you massive great dirty stud. When do my big ol' titties I mean I start work? Wanking Wednesday? That's the one that comes after Titties Tuesday right? See you then!"