Revitalize Your Energy on Low Battery Workdays

markzuckerbergwebb
Oct 27
3 min read

In an age where hustle and bustle dominate our lives, we all encounter days when our energy mirrors that of a smartphone on low battery.

This is less than optimal. Your low energy is now actively sabotaging my company from meeting its quarterly targets. You were barely tolerated in the first place and now you are actually undermining my business interests through your laziness?

This article will guide you through proven tips to revitalize your energy whenever you hit that slump.

This employee of mine tried to flee from a company retreat we were holding in the mountains. Here is a photograph of her being shot in the back by a drone. Such a waste.

Understanding Low Battery Workdays

Low battery workdays are marked by the following;

fatigue
lack of motivation
laziness
slovenliness
having less money than me
being selfish
not having my best interests at heart
not wanting to work for me
fine then
go on, fuck off home then
you're fired you lazy cunt
hurry up, pack up your fucking shit and get the fuck out
arsehole

Take Short Breaks

When feeling drained, taking brief breaks can work wonders. Sure, go ahead. Step outside if you don't feel like doing any work for me today because you "feel tired."

Take it easy.

Relax.

Take time out.

Take your time.

In fact, why don't my staff escort you out in a small dinghy to the centre of this serenely peaceful lake.

Recharge your batteries.

Enjoy the scenery.

Close-up view of a serene nature scene with a tranquil lake — The extremely deep lake in which you will take your "short break".

Move Your Body

Physical movement can instantly elevate your energy levels. Even a short walk around the block or a few minutes of stretching can invigorate both body and mind.

There are all sorts of exercises you can do without leaving your desk or monitor. (eyes on the monitor at all times please. Yes, I can see you looking around. No use trying to find the camera. There are 450 of them in your cubicle alone)

Finger twiddles, elbow flexing, nostril flaring, eyebrow wriggling, yes, all sorts of exercises.

When I said "move your body" I didn't mean "flee into the forest". And, as I said last week when you pulled this bullshit stunt, we're on a fucking island. And I own the whole island. I will find you. Again.

Create a Positive Environment

Your workspace can greatly affect your energy. A cluttered area often leads to feelings of overwhelm and fatigue. Your detritus may also be blocking the cameras.

Take a few moments to tidy up your workspace. Add elements like plants or Bobblehead Mark dolls or even motivational quotes to uplift your spirits. For example;

"They're Done With Me When They Say They're Done With Me."
"Forever Is Not A 4-letter Word."
"Mark Is Not A 4-Letter Word."

Don't be alarmed, Employee 22339900044-B here is not real, he is an AI simulation. However, that still doesn't answer the obvious question; where in the FUCK did he get that comically-oversized battery?"

Connect with Others

A chat with a colleague or friend can give you the lift you need. Social interactions not only alleviate feelings of isolation but can also provide fresh perspectives on your tasks.

Studies indicate 15-30 seconds to be the optimal chat time that will result in the least deleterious impact on our quarterly growth targets.

Great chat, guys!